Name: Tom DeLonge.

What’s his age again? 41 (going on 23).

Occupation: UFO researcher.

Sorry, isn’t he that bloke from the scatological pop-punk band Blink 182? Oh, he split up from them to focus on searching for “other forms of life”.

So he left to spend more time with his little green men? When you’ve got little green men, you’ll know what a handful they can be. For instance, DeLonge’s co-authored novel about UFOs came out this year. It’s 700 pages long.

You mean Sekret Machines Book 1: Chasing Shadows? You’ve just Googled that, haven’t you? Yes and, as the “1” denotes, it’s only the start. In fact, DeLonge has started up an entire “transmedia” enterprise called To The Stars, which he describes as his own personal Disney.

Didn’t the childish misspelling of “sekret” diminish his credibility in serious UFO circles? Apparently not. DeLonge has just been named UFO researcher of the year by UFO hunting organisation Open Minds, mainly because his name came up in the Podesta emails, the ones leaked by WikiLeaks to discredit Hillary Clinton.

He was talking about UFOs with John Podesta? And a host of high-level US military intelligence bods. They even had a Google Hangout.

A highly classified Google Hangout? Classification pending. But DeLonge says his allies on the inside include “sources within the aerospace industry and the Department of Defense and Nasa”. He adds: ”That sentence, specifically, was approved for me to say.”

Is he going to be OK? It’s dicey, given the deep state is after him. He recently claimed his phone was being tapped after “getting on email chains with hundreds of scientists from the Jet Propulsion Laboratory”. He also said he had been flying an old associate of Nazi and Apollo rocket scientist Werner von Braun out to LA, when this person had begun having fits at 4am: “I know now that those are artefacts from mind-control experiments … we can zap somebody at the same frequency that the brain operates on.”

No, no … I mean: is he going to be OK? Oh, he seems pretty happy actually. His acceptance speech confirms that he is “into some serious shit”, and tells fans (of his UFO-investigating) to expect “an announcement within the next 60-ish days”.

What could it be? Well, it could be the fuselage of one of the anti-gravity crafts he claims he has been watching fly over Paris.

It certainly could. Yes, it certainly could.

Do say: Of course, declassifying Project Mogul was a false flag operation to begin with.

Don’t say: I prefer his earlier works on anal probes.

Source: The Guardian